The Judgement Seat
by: Dana Stamps, II
“Eli, Eli, la’ma sabach-tha’ni?”
– Jesus of Nazareth (Matt 27:46)
If after life it is too much to be forgiven by Jesus,
then perhaps it will be also I who shun him
from My presence. But He solemnly says:
“The things you said. Why didn’t you praise Me?”
I say,
“How could You stay silent and invisible
when I needed You so much? when I suffered
injustice and You did nothing (didn’t even
say sorry?) when I was an innocent boy?”
“How could You not know that my memories
of traumas would last to my last? That I would
not be damaged, as I indeed was?”
“Why are You such a ridiculous control freak
Hell-bent on a gamble that involves me?”
“How can I not think You’re guilty,
and even now should be bleeding for me?
Sin? – as if I intended it.”
“Have You forgotten how deeply I wanted
to love You, how I prayed that You would heal me
from my doubt that only increased as I aged?”
“Why did You forsake me? Sound familiar?”
“Why didn’t You talk to me? I had many years
of fear before I could say ‘It is finished’
in this waiting room of doubt that You
abandoned me in, neglected me in, ignored me in.”
“Why have You forsaken me when even now
I am down on my knees as You said I would be
willing to forgive You. Why would everyone consider
that if a human guardian treated me as a child
as You know You did – I begged and prayed
and pleaded for loving treatment! – You
know it never came, only the fear, only
the fear … of the evil that You allowed. You.
Are You deaf in the ears uncreated in my image?”
I keep getting articulate: it’s as if I’m finally
the poet I’ve always worked to be, my mania increases
higher than any brain sickness …
… and Jesus smiles at me, and suddenly I know
where I’ll spend eternity …
Back to Poetry Menu
| 
